I'm not a hypochondriac, but...

It's cold and flu season and I truly believe that children are the hybrid disease carriers of the world.  If there's anything communicable or too new for a cure, it lives in the children who attend public school.  Now, if you were hearing me say this, it would be much funnier - since you're not, you will have to hear my wit and sarcasm in your mind. 

Seriously though, ever since booking this trip to Delhi and planning this cycle, I am paranoid about getting sick or a fever - or that Harris will get sick and run a fever which will kill his sperm or at least swipe the tails off of them.  How many posts have I read now about IPs who spent 14+ hours on an airplane just to arrive sick from the canned air served up in-flight???  On top of that, I had a conference with a parent this afternoon who (and yes, I'm serious) said that when she and her husband were dating, they would sneeze on one another to be cute.  I'm sorry, but there's a serious problem if you think that hacking your nasty fleghm-y germs on me is "cute".  Vile, disgusting, unsanitary, revolting, yes.  Cute, no.  She said they had told their child (who sits right beside me) this story and ever since he'd been doing it.  Well, that answers the question of why this child refuses to cover his mouth.  I was furious but remained in control whilst I told her that our nurse would be happy to give him instruction on how to cover his mouth to prevent spreading germs and, in the meantime, I would be taking a cube each time he did it.  (In my world, that threat is a serious one with consequences.)  If thoughts could wither flowers, mine surely would have at that point - again, this would be much funnier in the retelling if it was done in person.

I am wondering if any of those thera-flu or airborne products would do any good for me to take leading up to the trip and on the plane.  It has also crossed my mind more than once to do like the Japanese did during that bird-flu thing a few years back and wear a mask on the plane and at the airport.  Currently, I'm set against that as we are already going to stick out like the proverbial sore thumb on the trip and I can't imagine that wearing a surgical mask would say anything other than "hey, look at us, we're not like you."  It's not exactly the first impression I want to give.

On a positive note, I did get a check from the insurance company to cover my roof and some other damages today.  It seems like they left off a few things and I am working with my contractor to see how "off" they are.  Suddenly life has become a race to get everything done before our leaving in December.  I want to have the roof on, the ceilings replaced, the windows swapped out, and everything painted so that when we leave, we have peace of mind that it's not raining in the house or anything.  So, the goal is to have the work completed before (America's) Thanksgiving at the end of November.  Otherwise, we'll have to wait until January to get this work done and I don't want to come home to that.  After the trip and the holidays, we'll need a time to relax for sure.

One other highlight, we met up with Bernadette and Duane over the weekend while we were in the DC area.  We loved brunch in Georgetown, and it was such a comfort to get that face to face reassurance about the details still left to plan.  It was also nice to be able to congratulate them in person on the bubbles!!!  Hopefully, we can get together in a year and do brunch again with babies!!!  Here's to needing kid menus!

The "Magic" of Motherhood...

Simply not the best day ever.  Meg did let me know they'd gotten my infectious disease screening - that was the highlight today.  Downhill FAST from there.  I was reminded once again today, at school, that "when I have children of my own," I'll understand.  Really?  What is the magical thing that happens after I have these children.  And, if I don't have children - not for lack of trying - am I doomed to ignorance for the rest of my life?  How is it that I am unqualified to perform a myriad of tasks like attending games and recitals because I'm not a mother?  Why is it that, despite having over 15 years of time working with children, getting them set on schedules, potty training other people's babies, helping them learn to read, feeding them, cleaning up kid barf, and finding ways to make their lives more enriched, I am unqualified to have opinions related to children?  How, exactly, does that work? 

If the inverse is true, does that mean that all people with children DO know these coveted secrets of the universe?  Clearly not, point in case, ever been to Walmart?  These enlightened people, qualified only by right of childbirth, can be seen and heard all over the store cursing, abusing, and putting down their offspring.  Is that the knowledge that I'll gain from becoming a mother?  Hope not. 

What I want to say - but never do, because I'd cry my eyeballs out - is that I may not have children, but if I did I'd do it better than you!  My children, our children, would be treasured, loved, protected, encouraged, guided, shielded, praised, challenged, taught, tended, nurtured, snuggled, and told every single day of their lives that they were wanted so much that their dad and I went to the ends of the earth to find a way to have them become part of our lives.  My children, our children, would never question this truth.  These children that we're all trying desperately to concieve, bring home, raise, and send out into the world to make it better will always be looked at by parents who have thanksgiving and gratitude in their hearts for whatever or whoever helped them find their children.  Our children - whether living now, miscarried and remembered, 8 celled, or only a twinkle in an eye - are wanted beyond any measure that is understood by most parents.  We know what it is like to love and yearn for people who have yet to exist, are waiting to be introduced, or have been a part of our lives for the shortest of times.  I have to think that in some way this qualifies us to "know" the secrets of parents - at least on some level.

But, since I'm not a mother, what do I know?  What's happened to Bernadette and Duane is heartbreaking.  Lucylu, same thoughts go out to you - you were "in" and then this loss.  I feel your pain and your waivering faith that one day, somehow, you'll be parents.  If you read this guys, you're all in my prayers.

Living vicariously...

Finished reading the updates and am so encouraged by the positive results from Jill and Alex(http://hopefromtheashes.wordpress.com/) and Bernadette and Duane (http://rastalesstraveled.blogspot.com/)!  I am so happy that you both have such wonderful results to write about from your time in Delhi at SCI. 

I can't help but appreciate the community of support that we are able to find online during this process.  It has been such a blessing for me to find support in real life for the infertility process and, now, online for the surrogacy and infertility process.  It's human nature to fear the unknown but, thanks to some gracious and open people willing to share the intimate parts of their journey to have children, it's less scary somehow.  One of the best and most comforting things I've read lately has been from Jill and Alex as they've been in Delhi.  I love that Alex gave Jill her injections just like Harris does for me.  Somehow, reading what everyone is going thru in order to reach the ultimate goal helps me to feel a lot less alone in this process.  It lets me live vicariously thru others and I am now emotionally invested in their lives, success, bumps, and questions.  THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING WILLING TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES!!!

In that spirit, I do have a question for those of you who have travelled to India already.  What did you do to combat the mosquitoes and malaria?  The foreign travel nurse said there were 3 options but one was an antibiotic (that's probably out, right?).  How did you handle this?

Off to do my infectious diseases panel in the morning.  This will be my third day of needles this week.  Urrr!

Climbing Mt. Everest

This week, I watched a special about people climbing Mt. Everest.  They train for years sometimes, pick guides that are experienced and trustworthy, immerse themselves in the climbing community, and take time to regroup and breathe on their way up the mountain.  That special was like a huge, glaring, blatant metaphor for this journey and has been particularly applicable this week.  Maybe it was a sign, or an omen, of things to come.

Celebration!

I was absolutely elated to find out that Rasta Less Traveled had arrived in India!  Congrats guys and thanks for the pictures, details, and information you've been posting!  I'm sending prayers your way for excellent retrieval, sample collections, and transfer with your SM!

When it rains, it pours!

On our end, it's been a "walking uphill" kind of week.  I thought of Lucylu today as the water poured into our office during a heavy rainstorm.  We had the beginnings of a tropical depression heading our way and the rain today left us with bowls all over the floor catching the drips.  Ironically, the storm is named for my sister, Emily.  Harris got a call from his hysterical wife saying that he needed to come home immediately because I was afraid the ceiling was going to cave in from the weight of the water.  I moved all the furniture out of the leaking area and cleaned up as best I could.  A good recovery, I feel, and I have already scheduled a contractor to come thru on Monday and do the necessary repair work. 

Pharmacy mix-up...

On Friday, I still had not started my cycle and decided to call my reproductive endocrinologist's office to check in since 8 days had passed.  I have had problems with an infected uterus, a polyp, and needed a D&C to clear this situation up before - so I'm cautious now.  Imagine my surprise when the nurse asked if I'd taken all 10 progesterone pills.  10?  I only got 3.  With further investigation I found that the pharmacy tech had incorrectly filled the script and not given me credit for my refills.  When I spoke with the pharmacist, his response was that he was sorry but we're all human.  Nice.  That didn't sit well and I made a phone call to corporate to make sure this doesn't happen again.  He's ultimately responsible for making sure things are done correctly and this mistake would never have been caught without my finding it. 

Timing is everything...

With the pharmacy mistake, we are now at least 10 days behind on our fertility cycle now.  I start back to school on the 15th with the kids arriving on the 25th.  It's going to be tight to get in the meds, the ultrasounds, the shots, and ovulation before the 25th...if it can be done.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to take any medical leave days because I will certainly need them to go to India. 

Infectious diseases...

I am also having a hard time finding someone to do the screenings I need for this infectious disease process.  Harris has taken off the day from work on Monday and we have appointments to see a foreign travel clinic nurse to discuss shots.  We are also planning to do a walk-in visit to my general practitioner to see if they are willing to help us on this.  My endocrinologist said no already.  I do have one other option that's a long shot.  It's my former OBGYN who originally made the PCOS diagnosis.  She was not born here and always seemed to be more open minded about things than my other doctors.  I'm keeping that in the back of my mind for now.

Breathing...

I got an encouraging email from Margarida yesterday reminding me that we all have bumps in the road and that I have to keep breathing because it will all work out.  They have done this before at SCI.  They know the challenges for IPs.  They will hold my hand thru the entire process.  Boy, that means a lot.  Whew.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.