Despite tremendous sadness, there is also a magnitude of freedom in stopping the surrogacy journey for now. I get how strange that may sound, but it's true! It may seem like a small act to some, but last week I went shopping and bought a new blouse and sweater for work. Can I tell you how long it's been since I spent money on myself for something like clothes without guilt? I'd not even realized that every purchase I made was put into a category of "essential/must have to live" and "not essential/should use the money for surrogacy" for the last few years. Seriously, I had not even realized I was doing it until I made those purchases and walked out of the store with them. I work, I can afford them, and there's no saving for a baby procedure. I wore the new top to work the next day and felt like a million bucks. In some small way, it was like I was taking back part of my life again. For so long we've not done this or that, bought this or that, taken this trip or that trip, or hesitated to make a commitment to one thing or another because our lives were on hold waiting for something that never happened. I know it's strange, but my buying something for myself that I didn't absolutely have to have was a
We had dinner with friends of Harris' two weeks ago in the neighboring town. Mexican, yum! Harris had been wanting me to sit down with them and talk about their adoption process using a non-profit agency in NC who places kids thru foster care into the homes of people wanting to adopt. I'd been humoring him by saying I'd go because foster care scares the life out of me and I'd never had any interest in it at all. Truth be told, I thought by the end of the night he'd have heard enough to give up on this idea altogether and I could walk away looking like the dutiful and patient wife. Wrong.
The more we talked, the more the things they shared started sinking into my brain. They were able to adopt 2 little girls, both born to a mother with drug problems, over the course of 2 years. The little one they were able to take home from the hospital after birth. I'm not going to lie and say it was an easy road - what with the court appointments, the testing results from the bio-mom, and the continuations of hearings it was anything but. However, they now have 2 beautiful girls who are hitting their benchmark milestones and THRIVING in their new home.
Beyond that happy family, they told us about the benefits that the kids are eligible for until they're 18 and my jaw hit the floor! So, we're planning to start with going to an open house for this non-profit next month and see where things go from there. No commitments, lots of caution. But, if it seems like a good fit, we'll begin classes to become a licensed foster home and, possibly, have movement on the child front by the end of the year! Maybe there could be an extra stocking hanging on my fireplace this year at Christmas after all!