We sat in a booth last night eating Chinese food and mulling over our options. As in any conversation about infertility, our ages come up in conversation almost right away. Harris is already 35, and I'll be the same age in May of 2013. I hear the tick-tock of my biological clock echoing like a voice in a cave. Ironically, I'd always planned to gift myself a hysterectomy for the big 3-5 because insurance would cover it. That's totally not in the plans now.
So, the question lingers, what's next? We are debating a couple of possibilities:
- Not doing another FET cycle and instead doing another fresh cycle in June (because, apparently, the universe hates me and wants me to have a heatstroke on the other side of the planet). We'd for sure get more eggs to work with and, hopefully, this time make a baby that lives. We've had 3 miscarriages now in the 1st trimester, and there's no explanation as to what went wrong. Likewise, there are no assurances that it won't happen again. Harris put it best last night when he said, "What's the number that makes it time to stop? 10? 6? 3? Is there a number? When do we say enough is enough?"
- Putting off doing another cycle completely and working with the South Koreans to complete an international adoption. This option guarantees us a child in the end, and that is really appealing right now. Once you hit a certain age range, adoption agencies start looking at you cross-eyed when you apply because you're too old for that too apparently. If we went this route, we'd still be able to apply with savings in the bank. If we did another fresh cycle first, we'd be forced to take complete financing for the adoption process and we don't know how that would be viewed. This is in the early stage of research, and I'm not sure about a lot of things that go along with it right now. One of my parents at school has done it, and the process was SUPER quick for her. Their second son was ready for pick-up within 5-6 months. That's a very appealing time-frame for me today.
Somedays are better than others, and tomorrow is another day. We will figure things out. We are not giving up.