Holding Pattern...

We received the report from India this morning, and it's not decisive either way really.  The subchorionic hemorrhage has changed dimensions and shrunk overall which is good (from 12x3 mm to 10x4 mm).  The gestational sac has become more well defined, which is also good.  But, there is no embryo in the sac that can be made out or characterized as having a heartbeat at this time, which is not good news.  Sometimes, according to our dr, this happens later.  I've heard from several people, who are also going down this road, that they didn't get heartbeats until 7 weeks.  That would put us in line for the scan next week.  So, they are going to repeat the scan then and let us know.  We're very thankful that the clinic hasn't given up on this yet, and will only call it if there's nothing there in the next scan.  Likewise, decidual reaction also continues to be weak, also not good.

As you can see, this is never going to be a "Hey, we're pregnant!  Let's celebrate with everyone we know!" situation - EVER.  One of the things that sucks most about all of this is the continued fear that this will once again result in a miscarriage and we'll be back at square one.   Harris and I are trying to balance our hope and our fear, but it's a struggle.  It has also reaffirmed our decision to not share this news.  The worst feeling in the world (so far for us) is when you find out you've lost a pregnancy.  The second worst is having to tell people who then need us to help them grieve.  We cannot bear having to console others during that time, and can only hope that when we are successful - because that day will come - the people who were left out of the loop will come to understand our reasoning.  It's all we can do to keep it together during these kind of waits, we simply aren't able to pull anyone new along with us.

Thank you for your continued support, prayers, and words of encouragement as we climb out of what is fast becoming another sinkhole in our road to have children.  Sorry I don't have better news.