About Me

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North Carolina, United States
(Allie & Harris) Wife, teacher, patient, thinker, friend, worrier, planner, seeker. These are the hats I wear on a daily basis for the roles in my life. Harris and I've been married since 1999 and we have two fur babies of the feline sort. We have a pretty good life, all things considered. But, it's not complete. Seven years ago I received a diagnosis of PCOS, a condition which has taken a toll on both my body and soul. It will not beat me though and we will be parents.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

"Be Complex" & B-Complex


I've tried writing this post about 5 times at this point, and consider it another thing that my mind keeps wandering from.  With everything going on in our lives, both known and hidden, it seems that I cannot carry a thought for any length of time at all anymore.  The last 3 nights, I have slept 10 hours each, almost without moving during the night.  Stress is taking a toll on me and I find that I'm kind of losing my "zip."  Harris is getting to be a bit short-tempered too, although he'll never admit to it, and I think he's feeling the stress as well.

We each went to the doctor this week.  Harris got his FMLA paperwork filled out and had a physical.  I went to talk about the FMLA paperwork (which I still hadn't gotten) and to talk about several other concerns - BC refills that my reproductive endocrinologist is not filling anymore since I'm not doing surrogacy thru them, malaria meds (pro or con?), flu shot (pro - got it, yuck), and finally - anxiety management.  The thing is, I've always known that this would be a complex process - lots to do, lots to think about, lots to manage from far away.  I didn't go into this with blinders on.  But, there's a difference between knowing and KNOWING.  I now really internally know that this is complicated and I find myself waiting (with anxiety) on little details that I've read others had a seemingly smooth time with.

[Paused, went to the bathroom, forgot what I'd been doing, realized the chicken I'd set out was ready to be butterflied for tonight's stew supper in the kitchen, where I had to empty the dishwasher which reminded me that the microwave looked like a nuclear waste site so I should clean it out...see what I mean???  No memory, distracted...Only to come back to living room and remember I was blogging.  It's like I'm 80!]

Things on the list labeled "anxiety inducing" right now include waiting on the surrogate profiles - we're going to be there in 18 days, when do they come? - will SCI remember to not include pictures when they're sent?  Also on the list, getting new glasses - they'll take 10 business days to arrive and are going to cost just shy of $500 because my prescription has changed and I need new sunglasses too.  Writing the letter for my doctor to sign off on my FMLA leave - it has to be specific enough to include repeated medical treatments and surgery, but not so specific to give them details of what I'm doing/where I'm doing it - despite their asking for details, I'm pretty sure FMLA guarantees that I don't have to give exact details, right - need to do a little more reading on this.  Since I've started my BC pills 2 days out from their "normal" time, will I make it to India before my Day 1?  How much money should we order to take with us in INR?  Can I wire over the remaining balance for the apartment while we're in India or do we need to take the rest in cash - that's a lot of cash!!!  There's more, but honestly, that's enough - blog post is toooooo looooong at this point.

  • Luggage arrived
  • Got exact address of apartment from SCI - Rahul has coordinated with Tulip House for transport from airport
  • Visas have come
  • Flights moved ahead by 1 day
  • Tub started holding things I want to remember to pack
  • Travel laundry detergent and softener will be ordered today (if I remember - LOL!)
  • Harris' FMLA paperwork is turned in
Oh, by the way, I forgot (ironic, huh?) to mention that the title is a nod to the B-complex that my doctor has put me on in an effort to help my body cope with the anxiety at this point.  Had I known the extent to which life would "be complex," I would have started my B-complex sooner!  Thankfully, my eye has stopped that annoying twitching thing it had started doing. 

MAJOR CONGRATS to everyone that's had babies this week!  What a wonderful thing to be part of!  I can hardly wait to meet Aleksandra's twin girls and hope to also meet Doug and Chad's twin boys in December!


  1. While I read your post, I was really feeling for you - I remember how tressful this time was. Especially since I kind of did all the preparations for our trip (I'm the organizer in our family :) I now thought of what I wish you the most and here it comes;I'm sending you a lot of peace of mind! My advice is to take some moments every now and then and try to meditate and clear your head and thoughts as well as you can. It sure is easier then to get things done.
    Many hugs from Sweden!

  2. Keep going Allie your doing just fine. This journey should come with a SATNAV!!

    Look forward to meeting you soon.
    Take care of yourself.

  3. Hi, after 4 trips to India I eventually worked out that it is much easier and more economical (yes better rates by far!) to convert your $US or $AUD (as for us) dollars to INR at the money exchangers in India. There was a great one at M Block Market. Hope this helps. You always feel much better when you arrive.

  4. Thanks for the reassurance! Really, it just comes down to my needing to be more organized and send some emails! SCI has been super in sending responses to me and they're so good about reading everything - I know there's no need to worry...now if I can just click my brain into the "off" position for a few hours. I'm going to send a few emails, make a few inquiries, and then go from there. Thanks for the tip on the $ exchange! Now, I need to figure out how much cash money to take - traveler's checks an option?

  5. Hey Allie,
    Thanks for the shout out! The boys are just great. We love them more deeply than you can imagine already.
    Your post reminded me so much of the anxiety that we felt (and sometimes manifested towards each other in less-than-kind ways)! I think that it's normal and is part of the journey.
    I'm not a doctor, and I won't give medical advice, but I can tell you that literally none of the teachers where I work in Delhi is on the anti-malarial drugs.
    Also, the dollar is doing quite well versus the rupee right now, so I have no doubt that you'll be able to get money at a good rate. Yes, our circumstances are different than most; but, sometimes we just withdraw rupees from the ATM. But, yes, you will be carrying a big filthy wad of cash around. :-)


  6. Allie, I totally feel your anxiety when self cycling, I just kept telling myself that I had done everything I could and it was now out of my hands, easier said than done I know but Dr S is an amazing doctor and she has a way to make all anxiety melt away.

  7. Hi Allie,

    Making the decision on what medications to put into your body at this time is a complicated one since you are about to put even more in with the art meds.
    The way I chose on immunisations/medications as (self cycler) is to look at the contraindications of those medicines during pregnancy, the time of year travelled against the incidence in the areas I was travelling.
    My reasoning in this instance is based on the idea that if medication can seriously harm a developing life form then what is the impact on developing eggs.
    Delhi is cooler and dry at this time of year, personal vigilance at dusk and dawn can lower exposure, plus sleeping in a sealed hotel makes a massive impact.
    Best of luck with your decision.