About Me

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North Carolina, United States
(Allie & Harris) Wife, teacher, patient, thinker, friend, worrier, planner, seeker. These are the hats I wear on a daily basis for the roles in my life. Harris and I've been married since 1999 and we have two fur babies of the feline sort. We have a pretty good life, all things considered. But, it's not complete. Seven years ago I received a diagnosis of PCOS, a condition which has taken a toll on both my body and soul. It will not beat me though and we will be parents.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Juxtaposition

def.  "Any time unlike things bump up against each other, you can describe it as a juxtaposition. Imagine a funeral mourner telling jokes graveside, and you get the idea — the juxtaposition in this case is between grief and humor. Juxtaposition of two contrasting items is often done deliberately in writing, music, or art — in order to highlight their differences." ~ Vocabulary.com

 Over the last week...
  • One friend delivered a beautiful, healthy, baby boy after 15 failed fertility cycles.  
  • A second friend (who was told she'd never be able to get pregnant) delivered tiny, perfect fraternal twins who were born too soon at 21 weeks to survive.  The heartbroken mother and father held their babies as they passed from this world. 
  • How does one arrange an order for both a celebration flower arrangement, and a sympathy flower basket in the same phone call? 
  • A great-Aunt goes into the hospital with congestive heart failure and develops pneumonia, slipping into that quiet place between life and death, hanging there while a family hopes the medicine will work.
  • Harris driving down to the Lake in the midst of raging thunderstorms while I watch the sky for a tornado that is a few miles away.  Then, arriving safely to find out the power is off and likely won't be restored until the next day.
  • Floating with my mom in the clear peaceful water, watching the clouds drift by slowly, nice breeze coming from shore, and all I can think is "Please, God.  Please, God.  Please, God.  Please, God.  Please, God."  How can I feel this desperate in the midst of such tranquility.
  • Channel 42, news story about a woman who killed her infant.  Channel 43, Dateline about a man who didn't want his wife to have a child because she'd get fat.  Channel 44, Snookie's pregnancy update.  Channel 45, "Forrest Gump."  Channel 46, "Toddlers and Tiaras."
  • A friend, who's hoping to start her second career in May (thanks to a layoff), receives notice that she has 6 weeks of unemployment left during her one week break from nursing school this summer. 
Right now, my thoughts on the 2WW are that I want to know.  But, I don't want to know.  If it's a positive result, I want to know now.  If it's negative, again, I don't want to know before Wednesday. 

Please test, be positive.

14 comments:

  1. I love this post thank-you, there is so much raw contrast and juxtaposition in the world. I think people notice it more when you are stressed you have a heightened sense of awareness. Very surreal and confronting at the same time. Stay strong and as calm as you possible given the stressful situation. I am hoping with all my heart that you will be successful SR xxxx

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    1. Thanks, Shakti Rose! You're right that we really notice the comparisons more when stressed out. I sure do wish that stress prevented aging, or helped us lose weight because I'd look like a skinny 16 year old at this point! Ha ha!

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  2. OH wow - that is a lot to deal with! (And makes me thankful we don't have cable!)
    Hoping that your results are positive!

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    1. Thanks! We didn't have cable or satellite for the first 11 years we were married. But, once they made the switch to digital channels, we got a dish. There is a LOT of trash on for sure. But, I also like getting the old movies and tv shows that I grew up watching!

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  3. My fingers are crossed so hard for you. Many many hugs of strength and hope to you and TONS of baby dust!

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    1. Thank you, Anu! I am hopeful that this time we'll get that positive we've wanted for so very long!

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    2. Thanks, Anu! We are certainly hopeful that this time we'll get our positive!!!

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  4. Fingers and toes crossed for you, hoping your 2ww ends on super high x

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  5. Crossing everything I have for you to get a positive!

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  6. Jeez - what a rollercoaster of a week for you. Fingers crossed that you have a BFP!

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  7. Baby Dust, Baby Dust, Baby Dust!!

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  8. Please let your friend, who lost their twins at 21 weeks, know that we grieve with them. Sadly, we know the pain caused from the loss of a baby. So, please allow us to share some words that helped us through such tough times. Let them know "their babies have returned to the heavens, but will return to them in stronger bodies when the parents are ready to try again." We hope your friend will stay strong in this time of sadness.

    As for your 2WW, we wish the best news for you and Harris on Wed.

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  9. Please stay strong. I know that we also looked out for every sign possible - on the news, in music, in the paper. Things that would be baby related or India related...it just made us crazy. My message to you, is to stay strong and what will be will be.
    I'm sending so many positive vibes your way and wishing you all the best!. Fingers and everything crossed for you and Harris. :)

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  10. All of us in blogland are waiting with you and hoping for the best.

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