About Me

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North Carolina, United States
(Allie & Harris) Wife, teacher, patient, thinker, friend, worrier, planner, seeker. These are the hats I wear on a daily basis for the roles in my life. Harris and I've been married since 1999 and we have two fur babies of the feline sort. We have a pretty good life, all things considered. But, it's not complete. Seven years ago I received a diagnosis of PCOS, a condition which has taken a toll on both my body and soul. It will not beat me though and we will be parents.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

2 Steps Forward...


Nothing about infertility is ever going to be described as "easy" for us.  It just seems written in the cards that every twist and turn imaginable, both good and bad, lays in wait for us to make the next call in our journey.  When we found out that the frozen transfer was a no-go for Harris and I, we really struggled to not only get over the negative, but also to make a decision as to how to move forward.  Should we stop with surrogacy?  Should we do another frozen transfer with only 2 more embryos to use?  Would another fresh cycle be worth the time and investment of the last of our savings from the baby fund?  Or, should we move ahead with adoption where we know that we'd end up with a child?  

The real question that ended our discussions and decided our course of action was this:  If we stopped right now and went with adoption, could we be okay with giving up on ever having a person on the planet who looked like us and shared our combined genetic material?  The answer, for us, was no.  We couldn't do less than give everything we had to try and make this happen.  That was the bottom line for us.  

So, it looks like I will spend yet another June in India.  But, in the true style that is our twist-and-turn journey, I won't be going alone.  My sister will be coming with me...to act as a second surrogate for us.  We made the decision to be "all in" this time and tell my sister about what we've been through.  Other than my mother, nobody in my family or Harris' family knows anything about our situation.  Knowing that the money will be totally gone, and that we might have to come to terms with never ever ever having people on the planet that look like us as children, we made the decision to tell my little (7 years younger) sister and ask her about being our second surrogate.  We went to my mom's house last week when Carrie and her fiance Mike were both there.  We all sat in the living room, mom included, and Harris started at the beginning with them.  He talked while I cried silently and just tried to keep from sobbing while he told them about the years of treatments, the 1st and 2nd miscarriages, and our last miscarriage of the twins this Fall.  My sister was shocked at what we were telling her - largely in part because she has very firm ideas of who we are and the information she was receiving didn't match with her who she thought we were.  She cried, and then she told us that she had known something was wrong but hadn't felt comfortable asking.  With no hesitation at all she said she absolutely would go and try for us.  Her fiance said he was all about trying to help people, and wanted this to happen for us.  We appreciated that but told them both to take some time to try and live in that possibility for a few days before totally committing.  They are planning to get married in October and, hoping this would work, she'd be almost 4 months months pregnant with her sister and brother-in-law's child.  For Mike's Catholic family, this might be a bit um, well, hinky.

Carrie did ask me what she needed to start doing because she wanted to get moving.  I gave her a list that had "stop smoking" at the top of the page, and she quit cold-turkey the next day.  It was a rough week for her, but she's also committed to eating better, and moving more over the next few months.  She has gone and been tested for HIV, STDs, Hep A, Hep C, and started getting the necessary shots for the trip.  She had an appointment with the health department for a pap smear and syphilis testing so that they would prescribe the necessary birth control pills for her cycle to line up with mine.  An application for her passport was mailed out on Tuesday after we told her on Sunday.  So, all in all, it looks like she is really serious and willing to do this.  I can't believe it - I don't understand it - and I am totally humbled beyond belief that she'd even consider what we've asked of her. 

Nonetheless, I continue moving forward with the plans, hoping that this will happen for us this time.  Oh, and since I'm going back to cycle, I have to go off my anxiety medicine in February.  I'm not thrilled about that, and worry that the chronic insomnia and anxiety attacks will come back.  I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday to see if there's something that's safe for me to take during the process.  If not, I'll find a way to cope.  So, that's where we are.  For those of you who have prayed for us in the past, please continue to keep us in your prayers.  Specifically I would ask that you pray our surrogates will become pregnant with our child(ren), have a boring and routine pregnancy, and deliver a healthy normal child(ren) next February or March. 


37 comments:

  1. First, I want to give you a big hug. My sister too, offered her womb for my baking project, but I will keep it as the last option. I m so touched by your story, and I wish you the best luck! Sending you loads of positive vibes!

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    1. Thank you so very much for your kind words! I am humbled beyond words for the generosity she is showing us. I don't know how I'll ever thank her enough.

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  2. Wow. So much to take in, but so glad that you are once again moving forward. (Sad, of course, that you'll be doing it in Delhi's july again! Sincerely hoping you can have a good laugh about it when you tell yourchildren some day.) As for anxiety, my sole coping mechanisms this year have been yoga and meditation. Its helped me both mentally and physically. Maybe you could give it a whirl? Sending hugs and positivity.

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    1. Thanks, Bernadette! The one positive about going in June again is that at least this time I'll know what I'm walking into. I'm more prepared for the inferno this time around!

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  3. That's such wonderful news Allie!!! I was just thinking about you this morning.

    My SIL offered the same for us and she is currently pregnant from our Jan (final) cycle. She too had to quit smoking (along with her husband). They tried multiple times on their own, and finally I suggested Chantix (what I used 6 years ago to quit). They have done marvelously with it.

    People will really surprise you and I tear up thinking about it.

    I'm not sure if it has been mentioned, but I think our last cycle was so much better because I didn't have to take BCP. Dr. Sher's website has a great article about what to do if you have to take BCP - that you might want to show to Dr. Shivani (if she doesn't already know) because it helps bypass the problem of BCP suppressing your system and lowering the number of eggs retrieved. Just a thought.

    So excited for you!!!!

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    1. Thanks! I will check out that article on his website. I'm signed up for his next webinar too. Unfortunately, without the pill, I have no cycle at all or have a never-ending cycle. It's kind of like my lifeline.

      I read thru your last 7 weeks of postings first tonight to see where you were. I am BEYOND thrilled for you that this has worked out! It's amazing how generous and merciful people can be in these situations. I am excited to see how many sacs they see on your ultrasound! I'm thinking 3 for some reason.

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    2. Thanks! You can do Lupron with the BCP, which I think is supposed to be even better. Our Dr. was considering the Lupron overlap with BCP, but then we decided to go the non-BCP route. I think that was more because we were rushing than anything else.

      For some reason I am thinking 2 for us. That's a bit scary, but hubby would be thrilled. I'll be thrilled just to get through 8 more months.

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  4. That's great news Allie, We are hoping to be in Delhi cycling in June for #2, hope to see you guys there :-)

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    1. Sounds wonderful! We will either be at the Hilton New Garden Inn again (they were fantastic!) or Svelte. We'll definitely have to get together while we're there!

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  5. Allie,I'm so happy to see a blog entry from you again. Your sister sounds amazing. Sounds like you have some options as well as strong support. Good luck.

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    1. Thanks, Michael! We feel really blessed to even have this chance again.

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  6. Good luck Allie, so glad your sister is going out of her way for you. She sounds wonderful. I hope and pray this is your time. Keep your head up and your heart strong. X

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  7. Allie, I cant help but tear up reading this amazing story of love. It takes an incredible giving and loving person to be a surrogate. How fortunate to have such a sister. Hugs, prayers and all the best sent your way.

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    1. It's an amazing gift she's giving us. I am humbled beyond words. Thanks for your continued prayers for us!!! By the way, Harris and I have the EXACT same picture in front of the Eiffel Tower! LOVE!

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  8. What a beautiful update. Wishing you all well.

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  9. Having my niece be our egg donor during our first go in India, I totally understand the awe and shock that goes with a family member and/or friend giving so much of themselves for your benefit. It's a bond that has made our relationship stronger and I'm sure it will do the same for you and your sister, no matter what the outcome. Lots of luck...we'll be following along...

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  10. Tears were falling down my cheeks as I read your update. I'm so happy for you. 8 years ago my big sister lost her uterus to cervix cancer. I wanted to be a surrogate for her second child when my own kids were born. Unfortunately, I lost my own uterus to the same illness after having my first child. I know the feeling of wanting to help your sister!! I deeply hope that everything will go well this time. Big hugs from Sweden!

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    1. Thanks for sharing that. I am in awe of her desire to do this for us. How in the world will I ever thank her for even trying???

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    2. I think she is happy to do it, really! She is your sister and will always be there for you. :)

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  11. I'm so glad you guys are trying again!!! Tell the folks at the hilton garden inn i said hi. eat some delicious mangos for us! =) I still have the carrier for when you are ready for pick up. its clean and ready for shipping!

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    1. Sean, you ROCK!!! I am hoping that I will need that carrier one day. How are things going with you??? I'd love to hear about how the twins are doing when you get a free minute!

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  12. sending hugs and best wishes your way Allie, what a beautiful sister you have, will be keeping everything crossed for you x

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  13. WOW!, you both have such inner strength that again, you have reached into yourselves to retrieve and obviously an amazing family who are there to hold you during the difficult times.
    For my anxiety attacks & heart palpatations - I found hypnotherapy to be amazing, it really helped me to get through the extremely difficult and stressful times.
    Sending you massive hugs xx

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    1. I haven't tried hypnotherapy, but nothing's out of the question! Thanks for the suggestion! Your little one is getting big! I know you are doing a wonderful job!

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  14. Wow, what an amazing family you have. I am glad that the ball is rolling again and you guys aren't giving up. We will be thinking of you guys and have fingers, toes, and eyes crossed, hoping that you're holding your baby (or babies!!) in your arms this time next year.

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    1. We still can't believe her generosity! Thanks for keeping everything crossed for us - be careful if you drive like that! Ha ha!

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  15. Thinking nothing but positiivity and love your way. What an amazing sister! I pray that your surrogates will be become pregnant with your child(ren). Be well.

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    1. Thanks, Anwar! We are hoping that this will be the cycle that ends with us bringing home our children.

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  16. What a wonderful, loving and generous gift your sister is giving to you both.
    I am wishing you all the baby dust imaginable and sending you positive and strong vibes your way.

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    1. Thanks, Aleksandra. We couldn't believe how much the girls have grown when we saw their Christmas pictures!!! They're amazing!

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  17. So nice to read this post. It's beautiful that your sister might be able to make your dreams come true. We wish for a successful pregnancy with minimal discomfort for everyone. I hope she's have a beautiful wedding day.

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    1. Thanks, guys! That's such a wonderful thing to say!!!

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  18. Wow what an incredible story / update. So pleased your giving it another go. Praying for you all. Lets speak soon. Avey xx

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