A Snail's Pace...

Progress is being made on all fronts at this point including the roof!  Materials arrived on Tuesday and we are set to begin work the first of the week!  Harris had his interview in MD and (yay for Bernadette!) it went really well.  We're waiting to see if they can afford him before we make any further investigations into housing, etc. 

I am also thrilled to say that I purchased my ticket back to India earlier this week.  My arrival date is very early on the morning of June 13th (like just after midnight) and I am scheduled to depart on the 27th.  If anyone else is going to be there, let me know! I have started looking for accomodations and am considering staying at the Hilton Garden Inn that's over by Select CityWalk.  As it stands now, I am going alone (Yikes!) so I want to be somewhere safe and have access to whatever I may need while I'm there.  I'm thinking that I would only try and use Rahul's services on the days that I have appts. with Dr. Shivani in order to keep costs down.  The Hilton is cheaper than Svelte, but still pricey by my standards.  On the other hand, it has everything I want (including laundry facilities and a fridge in the room).  Still though, I'm going to have to find a way to wrap my mind around paying $115 per night IF I decide to stay there.  We'll see!

In thinking about returning, I am glad that Harris and I did the tourist thing the first time we went because I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable doing tons on my own.  I do want to go back to Central Market one day during the week (the crowds on the weekend were terrible!) and also to Dilhi Haut (not sure that's spelled correctly).  Those two places were fantastic for finding bargains and I want to do some shopping while Harris isn't there to hold the wallet!  LOL! 

I am excited about the trip, the travel, the possibility of success.  Those are the things I'm trying to keep in mind at this point...I'm trying to not think about being lonely, the heat, more needles, and going thru this process without Harris at my side.  

Day after...

Quick summary...

Yesterday we went to the hospital at 3:15.  They did the retrieval sometime around 4:30 and then I went back to one of the recovery rooms.  While I was in the back, they took Harris to give a fresh semen sample.

Results were:
aprox. 20 follicles drained (according to Harris-I was out of it)
11 were empty
9 had oocytes
7 of those were mature & have been ICSI'd this morning (according to Dr. Shivani)

For those who are interested in the details...
I had no bleeding after the procedure or this morning.  I have some oddly placed aches, but I feel so much less pressure in my abdomen since the follicles were drained.  The only thing I didn't anticipate was the mild cramping & urgency I'd feel when I need to pee.  I guess my ovaries are in the same general area with my bladder, and that it would kind of make sense. Currently, I am 4 meds including one antibiotic & a pain pill. 

Surrogate Chosen!

Well, for better or for worse, we selected our surrogate earlier today, and will go to sign the paperwork tomorrow at 5:30.  It will be our first meeting with the lawyer who we'll also use at the end of the process for baby paperwork and all things legal.  Our doctor did ultrasounds and bloodwork on the surrogates most close to our cycle last night and sent us a possible 5 surrogate profiles this morning.  From those 5, there were 2 that she recommended we choose from.  We looked at all 5 and agreed that these were the 2 best ones in terms of age, fertility, and general characteristics.  We did request to NOT have a picture of the surrogate or to have a meeting with her as we want to keep this a business arrangement; we are not here to bond with her, just to use her in this business transaction.  In retrospect, I wish I had asked for initials instead of full names.  It may seem cold, but in order to keep our sanity and peace of mind, this has to remain business.  While we will forever be grateful to her if this works, we don't plan for her to become a phantom member of our family or someone we send Christmas cards to afterwards.  I know that's not the way a lot of people do it, but this is our path and it's what will work for us as a couple.

Tomorrow morning at 6 am we go to the hospital for our trigger shot (ovulation will be about 36 hours later).  Tomorrow at lunch we're going to meet a friend at a nice mall.  Then, we have the meeting with the attorney at the clinic at 5:30 tomorrow afternoon where we will sign the contracts.  Friday, we are at the apartment like normal until 11 am.  Then, I have to fast from 11 onward and I go to the hospital for prep at 3pm.  They will give me general anesthesia thru an IV in my hand or arm (wherever they can tap a vein) which will knock me out completely (thank God).  The plan is to do the retrieval around 4pm - it's a 20 minute process - and then have me out and in one of the recovery rooms afterward.  Harris will give a fresh semen sample on the day of retrieval for them to use once the eggs are obtained.  The embryologist will then get to work.  I'll go home Friday night with some pain meds plus antibiotic to prevent infection and Dr. Shivani said I would be a little sore on Saturday, but should be back to normal on Sunday.  I am glad that we're able to have 48 hours after the procedure just in case there's a problem.  

Monday morning, the surrogate goes in for the transfer and then we should hear something around the 30th about whether or not she is pregnant with our child.  Boy, that's a strange sentence to type/hear/say/think about. 

Our nurse celebrated with us this morning when we took the last fertility shot!

India: Days 2-4

Can you spot the 4 monkeys in this picture?

Day 2:  Saturday – 1^st Medical Visits

We woke up at 4:30 am and our bodies were totally out of sync with the time zone.  After a breakfast of PB&J (so glad we had a few basics stocked in the fridge ahead of arrival), we pulled out the DVDs and watched a few Big Bang Theory episodes.  Nothing is happening in Delhi at that time of day, and in fact, nothing much gets going before 9am.  It's perhaps the only time of the day/night that you don't hear a constant blaring of horns and street vendors.    We napped later in the morning, and then met with Dr. Shivani for the first time at noon down the road at ISIS Hospital.  One thing I got clarification on is that ISIS actually has 2 facilities.  The "clinic" is on the corner at the end of our block.  The "hospital" is about a block and a half away from us.  The IP treatments are done at the hospital, not the clinic.  At the clinic, the staff that I've corresponded with are hard at work on behalf of IPs and surrogates alike.  Rachnna (puts you at ease, helps make connections for what you need, calls the apartment manager when your shower doesn't work - THANK HEAVENS FOR HER!), Lalit (the man that sets up treatment schedules and maintains Dr. Shivani's schedule), Shilpi (helps coordinate things to do in Delhi/India), and all the others are based here.  At the hospital, there are nurses, a receptionist, and IPs.  Dr. Shivani shuffles back and forth between the two as needed.  She was very welcoming and gave us information about the timing for this week's treatments.  She did my first ultrasound (no cysts!) and showed us around the clinic where the surrogates were waiting and introduced us to the staff as well.  Everyone was so very respectful of us and Dr. Shivani - well beyond the professional level in the States.  There was no non-essential chit-chat or banter, just professional dialogue.  Dr. Shivani opened almost every door at the clinic to show us the facility (VERY clean, well lit, smelled good) including the office where contracts are signed by the surrogate.  The paperwork for the surrogate is VERY comprehensive and lengthy.  It includes things we didn't think about at first like a pre-surrogacy psychological evaluation and a section where both husband and wife had to agree that they wouldn't have marital relations during the surrogacy period.  Dr. Shivani sent me over to Dr. Modi's office for her to do the blood draw personally since I have very tiny weak veins that roll and make blood draws horrible.  Dr. Modi is AWESOME!!!  It's the first time in my entire life that I have had blood drawn and not had bruising.  I was a little embarrased because I didn't realize Dr. Modi was Dr. Modi - She is a very unassuming woman who was dressed traditionally and spoke softly.  She sat on the edge of the bed with me and held my hand while directing the nurse where to draw and how to prevent problems.  I wish she could come home with us!  All labs were back to me within 4 hours via email, and I had a message from the Hospital that everything was within normal range.  We made contact with Aleksandra and Rich Saturday night and then headed to bed early.

ISIS Clinic from our terrace

Day 3:  Sunday – Meds, Sightseeing, Select City Walk & Dinner with Friends (IPs)

Again up at 4:30, ate breakfast, and called about going to the mall with one of the drivers.  We ate, waited for the caretaker to come and try to fix the washing machine, and went to the hospital to check-in with Dr. Shivani and pick up my Gonal F pens.  While there, we met another IP named Joanne from Australia.  We invited her to dinner and later made plans with Aleksandra and Rich to bring the babies for dinner too.  (It won’t surprise my cousin, Wendy, to realize it took me only 2 days to find enough friends to have a little dinner party!)  At 1:00, we left with Rahul and saw the Lotus Temple, saw the Indian Parliament and living quarters, the President’s mansion, India Gate, the Red Fort, Humauyum’s Tomb, and then went to Select City Walk mall for a taste of Western culture.  The sights were beautiful and we had a good time.  I think Rahul was surprised at the quick pace we moved thru them – we’re not ones to linger anywhere…we toured the Louvre (including the Mona Lisa) in about 2 hours.  I bought a beautiful pashmina with hand embroidery at the mall.  We ran by Nature’s Basket and picked up chicken, salsa, rice, and flour tortillas for dinner.  Harris and I had a great time visiting with our new friends and holding the beautiful babies for a while! 

Yes, those are Cobras

Day 4:  Monday – Agra & Taj Mahal

Satish got to the apartment around 5:45 this morning and we were not ready – but it wasn’t our fault.  We’d been up long enough, but the shower didn’t have any hot water at all.  Thankfully, we have a second bathroom with independent hot water heaters so we were able to wait the 20 minutes and jump in there.  After showers, a quick bite, and dressing, we hit the road about 6:30.  We were so thankful to have eaten, because it wasn’t until about 2:00 when we were able to eat again.  It took us 4 hours to get to Agra.  We picked up a guide (that we didn’t realize we’d have to pay for…maybe we were told, but I don’t remember.) and headed to the Taj Mahal.  It’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen.  Pictures do not do it justice at all.  There is such detail and artistry in every piece of it.  Afterwards, we went and saw how a carpet is made by hand – and declined purchase of same despite best selling efforts.  Then, we saw how stones are inlaid into marble like was done in the Taj – where again, we declined purchase despite best selling efforts.  We left there and went to MacDonald’s (yes, it’s “Mac” here) where Harris got the Indian version of a Big Mac, called a Majaraja Mac and is made with chicken instead of beef.  I got the MacChicken Spicy and fries.  Yes, I ate the lettuce, and yes, my stomach is okay…I think it’s the meds that are causing the stomach upset.  Oh, and MacDonald’s fries taste the same in America, France, and India…believe it or not, that’s comforting.  Even better, I saw Mountain Dew in the little market stalls yesterday!  I’m not having any because of the caffeine, but once the retrieval is done, I’m all over it!  Still haven’t found M&Ms yet, but I haven’t given up hope!  We got home, totally exhausted, at 8:30 last night.  We were planning to wash clothes, but found that there was no water stopped completely in the kitchen after the wash cycle, no rinse, – fun times – and decided to go to bed.

Does this really need a caption?

I have had mild cramping around my ovaries and my face is looking bloated from the meds already.  Dr. Shivani put me on 375 iu of the Gonal F in order to produce as many good follicles as possible.  Harris gives another sample Tuesday afternoon, I go back in for a blood draw Wednesday, and another ultrasound on Thursday.

All in...

Well, it's done.  Our first payment for self-cycle has officially been withdrawn from our savings account and wired overseas to the account for SCI.  There's a HUGE mixture of emotions right now for both Harris and I.  It's like the final piece of the puzzle has been put in place and now we just have to step back and look at the bigger picture for a while, I guess.  At the same time, it's like we were one payment away from having the new truck paid for and now we're back to square one in that respect.  Don't get me wrong, we feel like this is the thing to do, and we don't have any mixed emotions about this being an investment rather than an debt.  To the contrary, this is the first time in a while that we don't feel like we're tossing our money down into a bottomless pit with fertility cycles here at home.  Still though, it's not an everyday thing for us to make retroactive progress on debt - that took some deep breathing and prayer. 

I also found out today that, unlike here, I have to be in India for Day 1 of my cycle to do the baseline or all bets are off.  Here, my experience has been that I could do a baseline on Day 1, 2, or 3 with no problem.  That is not the case with the SCI cycle it seems and that has quadrupled the stress for me today in trying to figure out timing issues.  Work already has my notice for the leave time beginning on the 30th of November; the apartment is rented from December 2nd thru 19th; and our flights have been purchased to get us there on the afternoon of December 2nd.  Sounds great, right?  Actually, no it's not.

See, even when I finish my "pills" for the month, it takes 7 days for me to get started on my Day 1 typically.  When my treatment dates were figured, it was as if the Day 1 would happen almost immediately.  Problem?  Yes.  That puts me starting my Day 1 well before December 2nd...or even December 1st.  So, I emailed Dr. Shivani about postponing the start of my next pack for a few days.  She emailed me back and said that would be fine and I should tack on some days at the end also to hold everything off (summarizing here, not quoting).  Sounds good, but now I'm worried that maybe I will have an early start because of trying to adjust my pills for this next cycle.  I mean, seriously, what if I totally begin to have my Day 1 and I'm like 4 days from leaving - apparently, I can't do the cycle then because of that.  Which in turn, means that the money on the apartment will be lost probably, my time off from work will be screwed up, and all this planning for a careful Christmas in and out trip will be for naught. 

STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  STRESS!!!  

Did I mention I was stressed out right now???  I am waiting to hear back from Dr. Shivani at this point to see if the worst does happen and I start before I get there, can I go to my reproductive endocrinologyst here to try and have a baseline done and emailed over to her?  That's assuming that she would be willing to do a baseline on me - which she may or may not since I'm not working with her anymore.  What would that do to the meds then though, you know?  There is (once again) a big murky mess in front of me and the "if's" and "but's" have begun to warp my mind. 

Calgon, take me away...

 

Oh, and one last thing to mention, because it's not adding to my stress or anything...nervous giggling.  Harris and I have begun to talk again about whether or not to tell his parents and my father and his wife.  Honestly, I go back and forth between wanting to spill everything just to have one less secret in our lives and sobbing because of the possible judgment and rejection that may or may not follow.  It is no exaggeration to say that the reaction from his parents could be anything from a simple, "Huh.  That's interesting." all the way to "I just read an article about someone who wanted to have a baby and they started taking ______ and now they're pregnant.  Let me go online and see if I can find out what that was."  The latter of those choices is what I dread because, inevitably, there would be a need for gossip that would come into play between his mom and her female relatives and with gossip of this sort comes either the "tough love" approach or the "pity party" approach.  Neither of which is appealing to me in the least.  Also, this is not an opinion being voiced by just me.  Point of fact is that it's Harris who is telling me these possible endings and confirming what I've thought but not said in so many words.  I honestly doubt that we could get out of their driveway before the computer, cell phone, or some other device started writing down notes on what we'd said and doing research.  While I'm a big supporter of non-violence, if the phone rang and the conversation started with, "After y'all left, I went online and it said that what you really need to do is _____________," I think I might lose it with his mom.  Again, I love her and think she's wonderful, but I cannot deal rationally with that outcome involving her.

From my father, it's anyone's guess.  His wife had some kind of infertility issue herself and ended up choosing to adopt a child domestically almost 30 years ago - so I think she'd take the news with a grain of salt and might be an interested party/advocate for us to my father.  However, the reaction from the man, himself, could be ugly.  I have envisioned everything from him cutting me or Harris off mid-story and telling us that this is something he wants no part of and then asking us to kindly leave and not come back (yes, this has happened before - my wedding - didn't speak for 3 years).  It could also end with some, shall we say "choice" words about the surrogates and how irresponsible it is for us to be doing something like this.  The best possible ending for us would be for us to get it all said, leave and give them time to digest the information, and then come back days later to talk to them again and get the reaction. 

I just don't know what to do with any of this stuff.  Urgh...