Medical Records and Surrogacy Questions

Triumph!  I had the bloodwork done this morning.  It didn't go well, to say the least.  When I left there, I had 5 bandages and enough burst capilaries (sp?), etc. that I looked like either a stabbing victim or a heroin junkie with track marks.  Certainly not my best look.  At least it's done and I can put it behind me for now.  Man, I hate needles!

Okay, so I am in the process of getting my medical records from my reproductive endocrinologist's office.  I have been working the last week to try and get them sent to me digitally, but the person who was trying to do that was unable to figure out the process.  So, I am going to have them do a printout and then scan them in myself when I get home.  This will take hours, but at least I will have them to store in a non-paper copy for myself.  After seeing multiple doctors for the last few years in the process of dealing with this stuff, I can say for certain that you should ask for copies of everything from your physicians every year or so (depending on frequency of visits).  I have also taken custody of all my x-rays so that when they are needed, I don't have to go to every hospital, doctor's office, and urgent care used while growing up. 

One other thing, I am not just planning to blindly send my records off.  I will not send information (confidential or otherwise) to anyone outside of the SCI facility.  When I get assurance that the channel is secure for transmission - and when I know exactly where the stuff will go - then I will send everything Dr. Shivani needs. 

On the surrogacy front, I have been reading thru Chai Baby's blog for the last few weeks and she did a TON of research.  This has made my life so much easier.  In one of her posts from September of 2009, she asks several good questions about care of surrogates during the time they are carrying for you.  Below are the questions: 

1. What is surrogate housing? Are we talking about a house? an apartment? a dormitory?
2. What happens when the women are in this space? What can they do?
3. What contact do they have with their families?
4. Do they go on outings or are they house bound?
5. What is the role of the care taker/social worker/cook? How are they paid? Is is a salary or a % of what the surrogate gets?
6. Are their photos available?

I am writing to her now to find out what answers she got from this inquiry as it was directed to SCI and Dr. Shivani.  When I get a response, I will update. 

Another good link that I found on that blog references information that was put forth by Peter (who had completed the process himself) before writing.  Seems like good advice that is worth repeating.
http://www.globaldoctoroptions.com/story/peter

*If you want to meet the surrogate, do so after the baby is born and in your hands. This is the point at which the surrogate and her family have no negotiating leverage. While they still have the baby, they have negotiating leverage, should they choose to use it.
*Do not get involved in any negotiations. Refer all requests to your
agency and/or doctor.
*Do not give the surrogate your contact information. If she and her family can’t contact you, she can’t make additional requests or demands.
*Don’t appear to be rich. This will be difficult, because as a westerner, and by being able to pay for the surrogacy process, you already appear richer than anyone the surrogate may know. But if you invite the surrogate and her family to an expensive
restaurant or make multiple plane trips to visit her during her pregnancy,
you’ll appear even more rich. Which makes you a more inviting target.
*If you do plan on meeting with your surrogate, coordinate closely with your clinic to understand what they might add to the above comments.

I have my next doctor's appointment to revisit and revise "the plan" on Wednesday afternoon.  Harris has an appointment on Friday to have another semen analysis done.  His last one was 5 years ago and I know this needs to be updated just to make sure he doesn't have a condition that is contributing to our issues.  Last time, he was normal across the board with motility, count, etc.  No abnormalities, no concern. 

Where are we now?

When we got the PCOS diagnosis six years ago, the only person we'd ever known who couldn't have children was my Aunt D.  Neither of us had thought much about how to handle infertility or what methods we might use to go about maximizing out chances to have children.  Why would we have thought about that?  We never thought we'd have problems in that area.

Our insurance doesn't cover anything at all, including meds, once we pass the injections with timed intercourse.  So, we're looking at spending tens of thousands of dollars if we move forward with anything more.  Both Harris and I are government employees which translates into salaries that are adequate but not excessive in any way.  We have been saving for years and have done some investing as well.  Unfortunately, with the hits the stock market has taken in the last few years, our investments have only broken even - better than some have done, I know.  Nonetheless, we have to move forward with caution and look at what option has the best possibility for a child (or two) being at the end of the process.  Our decisions and thought processes may not be in line with anyone else on the planet.  But, throughout this whole process, we've really tried to be honest about who we are as people and what we think we can handle on a daily basis for the rest of our lives. 

I started to write about what we know now about adoption, IVF, and IUI.  I started to.  But, it's too much to go thru right now.  So, let me just say it flat out that we are hoping to do international surrogacy thru a clinic half a world away in India. 

Yes, I have researched it.  Yes, we know it's going to be hard.  Yes, we do know it sounds crazy.
Call it selfish, crazy, wierd, whatever.  The place that I've really found to be the best fit for what we want is called Surrogacy Center India in Delhi with Dr. Shivani.  She has a facility that's modern, has modern equipment, it offers the options that we want as far as housing and care for the surrogate, it's close to a good hospital with the Indian equivalent of a NICU, and there are people on staff to help with the day to day living challenges that we might face.  I know little to nothing about India and I am openly nervous about how to find a place to live, where to shop, when to go out, what places are safe to eat from, etc.  People who have walked this road already, have also written about their experience using (what Americans would call) a night nurse.  This person has come in in the evening and cared for the children so the new parents could sleep.  Seems like a good thing to me!

While we're waiting to check in with Dr. Shivani and see if we're a good fit for her, I am meeting with my doctor to talk about doing a few more rounds of injectibles and possibly IUI here.  We may as well maximize our efforts at home while we try to push ahead overseas.  Fingers crossed!

God, I dread tomorrow morning.  I really hate needles.