In a conversation with a friend/fellow teacher at work today, she confessed that she was getting out at the end of this year. During the conversation she seemed to really want to explain herself and her choice - almost like trying to defend something. When she finally said, "You know, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks because it's not anyone else's life. It's my life!" I totally was with her.
In that moment, I realized again that we all have to make choices for ourselves. Sharing, not sharing. Adoption, surrogacy, fertility treatments, being a family of 2...or 1. Working, staying home, going back to school. Outgoing, introvert, lawyer, doctor, teacher, landscaper. None of it makes a hill o'beans difference so long as we're sure our own path is the right one for us.
As my friend sat there talking, I remembered that I used to be one of those people who would've questioned her decision and asked to hear the justification. But today as I sat there listening for a few minutes, all I felt necessary to say was that it was okay. I just want her to be happy and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. If this is what she needs to do, then it's okay with me, no questions or explanation necessary. More than she knows, I get what she said.
So, while it's true that I may never be the laid-back, quiet (Harris laughs at this one!), gentle, go with the flow, trust-that-everything-will-be-alright person I aspire to become, I gotta say this process/journey has helped me to unlock my mind to other possibilities I'd never considered. As much as this situation sucks, I'm grateful for who I've started to become. [Insert caterpillar to butterfly metaphor HERE]
In that spirit, thanks to everyone who's written me on the blog or by email, met Harris & I for lunch (Duane & Bernadette), come over to have a family dinner in a place where we were totally alone (Avey & Mia, Aleksandra, Rich, Helena, Neveah, Milena), or made us feel at home with sweet tea on the other side of the world (Chad & Doug). I am sincerely grateful for the ways you've all changed me.
BTW, Harris is still laughing at the thought of me being quiet and laid-back. Probably wouldn't help to illustrate the new me if I yelled down the hall for him to put a sock in it, huh???
"None of it makes a hill o'beans difference so long as we're sure our own path is the right one for us." You got it sista, just repeat a kazillion times and you are on your way!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully, said / written. You have to be true to yourself. This journey changes you in ways you never would have imagined. I would wish that anyone need to go down this path but I have been down it and am a better person for it in many ways.
ReplyDeleteSo true!! You made me think of a lyric from a country music song..."my give a damn is busted"...that is so true...I really don't care what others think anymore...we do what we do because we have no other means of completing our family....besides, people would be so bored if they didn't have my escapades to talk about!! Although we don't have our baby yet, I realize how much I've grown throughout the process (both physically and metaphorically speaking) although the weight gain I could do without!! If someone would have told me that I would have traveled alone to a third world country much less be put to sleep there and have a medical procedure done..I would called them a liar...never say never I've learned...we all have inner strength I believe...we just have to learn how to pull it out and use it...im not sure when I'm going back to India..maybe may or june...hopefully our paths will cross!! take care and God Bless!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post! We are just beginning our journey and I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes with what people think. While I certainly don't want to announce all my personal medical woes to everyone I know - I feel compiled to say more than I normally would for fear of being judged. I need to learn to just say "I'm going to India to try and make a baby. Period." (Wish me luck on that.)
ReplyDeleteThanks again for such a great post. Helps me worry less about what others think and worry more about how I think of others.
There have been many times where I've wanted to copy and paste my blog friends' posts just because my feelings have been expressed so well, yet on someone else's blog! Thank you for having a voice that so many people share with you. And for taking the time to write about it. GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Have I told you that I absolutely love your quotes on the left side of your posts? I'm a quote man and these are awesome. Thanks for sharing.