About Me

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North Carolina, United States
(Allie & Harris) Wife, teacher, patient, thinker, friend, worrier, planner, seeker. These are the hats I wear on a daily basis for the roles in my life. Harris and I've been married since 1999 and we have two fur babies of the feline sort. We have a pretty good life, all things considered. But, it's not complete. Seven years ago I received a diagnosis of PCOS, a condition which has taken a toll on both my body and soul. It will not beat me though and we will be parents.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

TRYING to move ahead...

The update this time includes our attempts to begin moving ahead on a FET (FROZEN embryo transfer) cycle.  However, we have been a bit discouraged and frustrated because of the warnings and ominous predictions that we've gotten.  While we appreciate the "reality check" that sometimes comes from doctors dealing with infertility, it has been a major source of frustration this time around.  Basically, we've been reminded that the likelihood of success with a frozen cycle is much, much, much, much, much, much (seeing a pattern?) lower and probably, most likely, almost certainly will end with a negative result if we push ahead with that.  We're being encouraged to try and come back for another fresh cycle - which we don't object to - because that would give us the best shot...again.  One of the best things about SCI, is the honest information and guidance that's given.  Having a doctor that answers emails is a phenomena unheard of in the US. 

Okay, so here's the question that keeps rearing it's ugly head in our minds - if the FET cycle is so unlikely to work, why in the world did we do so much to fight for having left over embryos?  All those drugs, all that waiting, feeling like grapefruit are hanging on both sides of my hips, and then crossing fingers and hoping that we have more than enough eggs.  Why did we do all that, if it wasn't for the goal of using them?  Again, I do appreciate the reminders that a fresh cycle and a frozen cycle are very different in odds of positive results.  But, is it so low that it's not worth trying for half the up-front cost???

I mean, from our perspective, we've got 4 embryos on ice, and we've been talking/debating trying to put in 2 rather than all 4 - kind of the ole "don't put all your eggs in one basket" mentality.  If one or both of the 2 didn't survive the thaw, we'd be okay with thawing the other 2 and using those in addition or in place of.  The other thought we had was that if those first 2 didn't work, we'd have only spent about half the money we'd have used and could do another FET cycle or *possibly* stop and do a last fresh cycle in June (because God hates me and that's the earliest I could go back - yay, another June in India - whoo hoo).  That would give us a short few months to work on paying down the cost of the frozen cycle and evaluate finances before heading over.

Changing directions completely - my anxiety meds are working well enough to take off the extreme highs and lows.  I tried one prescription and it had a strange side effect.  So, I've switched to another one now.  It's non-addictive, and I could come off of it right away with no issues.  But, my doctor said he would want to have me not taking it for 3 months or so before I tried another egg retrieval.  Makes sense to us, and my goal was never to have the meds be a long-term solution.  I just needed/need something to help me get back on track emotionally.

Sorry for being so quiet over the last month or so.  I know that everyone who's walked this road understands the need to withdraw sometimes and think.  We are sending congrats to everyone who's had babies, received continued positive scans and results, and we mourn with those who are still fighting for that BFP.  Hang in there!  We'll find ourselves celebrating one day, I hope.


  1. Sending love from a mom of two FET successes. xo

  2. We have Hari from FET....... Lots of love xx

  3. I've heard some great FET news, especially those that thaw and transferred at blastocyst? I understand your logic of what was all the fight for if you don't use them. I'm usually in the fresh is best camp but this situation sounds different, do what you think is best and makes most sense, ultimately you have to be happy you did your best. Love and hugs in this tough decision.x x

  4. Allie, I have been reading your posts....I know in my heart that you will become a mum one day....I am 46 did what everybody else has done IVF, adoption etc etc and now it is really happening (or will be in about 8 weeks time or so - god willing)......I believe it will happen for you and Harris. You've also got as you say a phenomenal doctor in Dr S. .......we put ourselves through the incredible pain and heartache because of our determination and desire to do something great in this world....in becoming parents and raising children.....it is such a privelege and of course lots of hard work along the way...I like to think that this journey although quite difficult is preparation on that path towards parenthood....in the end the benefits will outweigh the dips in the rollercoaster ride....take care xxxx mel

  5. I don't understand why you are being discouraged to use the frozen ones. Thought the biggest risk with them are if they actually survive the freezing process. That's the hardest part. The ones that do are suppose to only be slightly less successful than fresh ones. At least that is how it is with most clinics here in the US that I have looked at. You can look at SART.org data to see what the difference in success rates are. Fresh is always better, but I've never heard of discouraging frozen when you already have them on ice. Especially since the ones that made it to the freeze should only be a little less likely to succeed than the fresh batch. And THAT may be because the best embryos are picked for use during a fresh cycle.

    I would be upfront and ask SCI what is the statistical percentage difference with THEIR success rates between fresh and frozen. I can't imagine why they would discourage you so much. Please keep us updated becz I have a friend that was considering shipping frozen ones over there.

    If you could do 1 frozen and 1 fresh, then it sounds like it would be better to put all your eggs in one basket. At least they all get used that way.

  6. Thinking of you & sending best wishes..I know you will find the path that is best for you.
    Amy & Lara are from our FET cycle. Good luck, SJ & B xx

  7. Erik is a Popsicle too! As our drs said, in surrogacy, it is easier for them to work with FET since they can thaw the embryos exactly when they see that the surrogate is most ready. With a fresh cycle it's two women that need to be synchronised perfectly and that might be hard sometimes as our bodies work differently.
    I'd definitely go for a FET and use 2 at the time :)

  8. There was an article in the media in the last two months which found FET was MORE SUCCESSFUL than fresh, with the logic being something like the embryos are stronger and more viable (as they've survived the freeze / thaw). Our guys are from a frozen cycle we completed here in Australia.

  9. Hi Allie, So glad you are back thinking to start the journey again, we have tried fresh and frozen with mixed success. We did go back to India for another attemp as we had run out of frozen embryo's and sperm. I do think we can't rely on statistics when we are dealing with mother nature, but we do know we are in good hands with DR S.
    I know I can tell you that I am feeling so much better but nervous since we have started again. We have received our 6 weeks scans and have three heartbeats and we are not counting the chickens till they hatch. I countinually have red eyes that I blame on hayfever because of the tears of happiness of becoming a Dad.
    Starting again is always hard and only time will heal, but you owe it to yourself to be happy.