About Me

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North Carolina, United States
(Allie & Harris) Wife, teacher, patient, thinker, friend, worrier, planner, seeker. These are the hats I wear on a daily basis for the roles in my life. Harris and I've been married since 1999 and we have two fur babies of the feline sort. We have a pretty good life, all things considered. But, it's not complete. Seven years ago I received a diagnosis of PCOS, a condition which has taken a toll on both my body and soul. It will not beat me though and we will be parents.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Breakable


We heard from Dr. Shivani on Monday that the transplant had been done and 5 embryos were put into our surrogate.  Of the 7 that had fertilized, 2 were deeply fragmented and wouldn't make the transfer.  There were 4 Grade 1 with 4 cells, and 1 Grade 1 with 2 cells.  We are really hopeful that something will stick and we'll be back for baby pick-up in the Fall.  In fact, I keep having to remind myself that this may not work - usually, it's the other way around where I have to remind myself that it could work. 

It's been a week since the retrieval, 5 days the surrogate transfer & since leaving India, 2 days since leaving Paris, and 2 "nights" at home.  Our plane was on time arriving Wednesday night, and we were able to get to the house by midnight (my mom picked us up).  My head still is kind of spinning/swirling and I'm not totally sure I always know when I am...date, time, etc.  But, in the spirit of pushing-thru, Harris and I got up and started doing errands today.  We visited 2 friends who have been instrumental in the application of this plan. 

As for how Harris and I are feeling, it's touch and go.  I am having some stomach distress because of not having eaten fruits and veggies regularly in India...apparently, fiber IS essential and consequences will be paid!  We are both kind of emotional wrecks due to lack of sleep, jetlag, and the 2WW.  Plus, coming home and having about a million Christmas cards showing all the kids and families grinning up at us has been tough - if I'd realized it would be so hard to see all of those, I never would have opened any of them.  I feel a yearning for a child that may or may not even exist at this point that's more powerful than I ever anticipated.  We're also feeling various combinations of tired, energized, moody, bereft, happy, scared, anxious, isolated, fragile in every way, and overwhelmed.  In conclusion, Harris is treading lightly right now for fear that one (or both) of us may come unglued completely.  Thank heavens we have one more day at home before the Christmas madness starts!  It's going to be harder than we thought to pull off the "we-are-right-as-rain-and-have-no-secrets" look. 

For everybody who prays, and those who believe in sending positive thoughts, please keep us in mind over the next week and a half.  Fingers are crossed for a BFP! 

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9 comments:

  1. SaskiaDecember 23, 2011 at 5:06 AM

    We have EVERYTHING crossed for the both of you. We've (especially me) have been struggling over the past couple of weeks... I'm putting it down to the IVF and of course the 'pregnancy angst'of will it work or won't it?. I suppose we both have months to go before we get any kind of results.
    Wishing you all the very very best. You're definitely in my thoughts. xx

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  2. Tandoori VikingDecember 23, 2011 at 8:09 AM

    Kindest possible thoughts and lots of guardian angels with baby dust are sent towards India and you! Merry Christmas!

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  3. Kerrie and MarkDecember 23, 2011 at 8:20 AM

    Our baby was born from one of 3 fragmented embryos, so, you just never know!! Sounds like your embryos were good, so now we wait! We are all waiting with you. Get some rest, eat a fruit plate and try to embrace the future, day by day.

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  4. AleksandraDecember 23, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Baby Dust, and happy holidays to you guys. I am thinking positive thoughts and sending them to you.

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  5. MichaelDecember 23, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    We are pulling for you. I'm envisioning opening up my blogs that I'm following and reading good news from your blog very soon. Fingers crossed.

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  6. rossyDecember 23, 2011 at 9:17 PM

    I totally understand how you are feeling.The 2WW is all so very hard and its only compounded with the family holidays.Its a roller coaster ride from now until the nine months are through.Keep positive thoughts and stay busy as much as possible(thats what I did).Its tough,but at the end of it,it will be worth it...kathy

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  7. B and SJDecember 24, 2011 at 12:17 AM

    Thinking of you at this most stressful time. Fingers and toes crossed for a big *positive*. B & SJ xx

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  8. ADDecember 26, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Dear Allie and Harris, thinking of you and praying for you everyday. So hope it works for you.

    Best wishes

    Aveyx

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  9. Mumbai BeginningsDecember 26, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    Good luck and lots of baby dust!!! I so understand the multitude of emotions that go through your mind after a retrieval (and the constipation, lol!)...just remember, your surro community is there for you and we all understand what you are goin through...we have all been there, and many are still going through it with you...take care and God Bless! Rene'

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