The "Magic" of Motherhood...

Simply not the best day ever.  Meg did let me know they'd gotten my infectious disease screening - that was the highlight today.  Downhill FAST from there.  I was reminded once again today, at school, that "when I have children of my own," I'll understand.  Really?  What is the magical thing that happens after I have these children.  And, if I don't have children - not for lack of trying - am I doomed to ignorance for the rest of my life?  How is it that I am unqualified to perform a myriad of tasks like attending games and recitals because I'm not a mother?  Why is it that, despite having over 15 years of time working with children, getting them set on schedules, potty training other people's babies, helping them learn to read, feeding them, cleaning up kid barf, and finding ways to make their lives more enriched, I am unqualified to have opinions related to children?  How, exactly, does that work? 

If the inverse is true, does that mean that all people with children DO know these coveted secrets of the universe?  Clearly not, point in case, ever been to Walmart?  These enlightened people, qualified only by right of childbirth, can be seen and heard all over the store cursing, abusing, and putting down their offspring.  Is that the knowledge that I'll gain from becoming a mother?  Hope not. 

What I want to say - but never do, because I'd cry my eyeballs out - is that I may not have children, but if I did I'd do it better than you!  My children, our children, would be treasured, loved, protected, encouraged, guided, shielded, praised, challenged, taught, tended, nurtured, snuggled, and told every single day of their lives that they were wanted so much that their dad and I went to the ends of the earth to find a way to have them become part of our lives.  My children, our children, would never question this truth.  These children that we're all trying desperately to concieve, bring home, raise, and send out into the world to make it better will always be looked at by parents who have thanksgiving and gratitude in their hearts for whatever or whoever helped them find their children.  Our children - whether living now, miscarried and remembered, 8 celled, or only a twinkle in an eye - are wanted beyond any measure that is understood by most parents.  We know what it is like to love and yearn for people who have yet to exist, are waiting to be introduced, or have been a part of our lives for the shortest of times.  I have to think that in some way this qualifies us to "know" the secrets of parents - at least on some level.

But, since I'm not a mother, what do I know?  What's happened to Bernadette and Duane is heartbreaking.  Lucylu, same thoughts go out to you - you were "in" and then this loss.  I feel your pain and your waivering faith that one day, somehow, you'll be parents.  If you read this guys, you're all in my prayers.

What's that for?

If you're not living on the East Coast (USA), you may not know that a massive hurricane is heading towards us right now.  Harris and I have been doing the "preparedness" stuff today - water, candles, cash, gas in the tank, batteries in the flashlight, etc.  In North Carolina, where we live, Hurricane Irene is due to make landfall Saturday with tropical storm force winds arriving prior to that tomorrow night.  I am about an hour from the beach and they're calling for an evacuation of the county beside us.  I, of course, am due to drive 1.5 hours to my ultrasound appointment on Saturday morning just as the winds and rain really pick up.  With 6.5" of rainfall expected on Saturday, it'll be an interesting drive to say the least!  I have the best timing EVER, right? 

 

So, I had to laugh when my lady at Lab Corp asked on Monday what "all those tests" were.  She hadn't done some of them and was unfamiliar with the abbreviations for a couple like.  Then, to make it more funny - because I choose to laugh now instead of cry - when she repeated the test name to the corporate rep while looking for the test number, she whispered, lowered her head, and shielded her eyes like she was saying something shameful.  Isn't it funny, in the world of infertility, how our conversations change and how our threshold for embarassment changes?!  Prior to infertility, I didn't even use anatomically correct verbage for male and female private areas.  Now, I not only use the correct names, but I speak about folicular stimulation, semen secretion, trans-vaginal ultrasounds, and ejaculation without so much as a blush.  Oh yeah, and I'm thanking God for women who are willing to help Harris and I have a biological child on the other side of the planet.  Yes, things certainly do change with infertility.

Whatever the situation, disease free is the way to be!  That means no more shots...for now...or at least until tonight when I take my Bravelle & Minapur cocktail.  

Jubilee...

It's so wonderful to see Kerri and Mark's new baby!!!  She's beautiful, adorable, perfect, and everything else a new baby should be.  How amazing it is that we can start to love people and babies we will likely never meet!  What a gift!

So, in light of this celebration - a bit of humor...ba-dump-ching!

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Why does it take 50 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won’t ask for directions either!

You know you are trying to get pregnant when…Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21″...

Why do gypsies have trouble getting pregnant?
They have crystal balls.

One ovary says to the other ovary, "Hey, did you order any furniture?"
The other ovary says, "No, why?"
"There are a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ in."

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Things To Do During the 2ww: finding the humor in it all.

1. Eat for two - just in case.

2. Convince ourselves that if we somehow go out and spend all the money we have "left" for treatments, God will be forced to give us a BFP. Target run anyone?

3. Seriously consider suing HPT manufacturers because their products suck.

4. Enter the Guinness Book of World Records for "Quickest Nervous Breakdown: 2 days, 2 hours, 12 mins, 7 seconds."

5. Spend an hour weighing out the pros and cons - ON AN ACTUAL PIECE OF PAPER - of making a Starbucks run.

6. Become the target of a conspiracy of pregnant women all of a sudden turning up in the most unlikely situations ( ie: A Turbo Kick Boxing class ) and secretly wishing them an instant case of hemorrhoids.

7. Attack a coworker because they're stupid and it's just time someone broke the news to them.

8. Motivate yourself to stay positive by making a list of all the things your grateful for - and then wanting to kill yourself because you can't find any.

9. Freaking out the general public by approaching the next person you hear complaining about their children with your checkbook open and asking, "How much?"

10. Change your future children names 500 times and eventually settle our your original selection.

11. Undergo crazy fertility rituals like eating cows brains or chanting in Russian to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

12. Thank God, Hate God, Thank God, Hate God, Thank God, Hate God....

13. Watch Entertainment shows and put the remote through the TV when the next Hollywood starlit accidental gets "knocked up."

14. Bring home abandoned dogs, cats, sheep, lizards and goldfish because you "feel their pain."

15. Stay home from work because you're having a "blue day" only to find yourself watching "Baby Story" on TLC.

From:  http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infertility/forum/2185320-if-jokes-smile

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Two women dealing with infertility were walking down the street together. Suddenly they saw I stork carrying a baby fly by. They looked at each other and one women said, " What do you think that was?" The other woman took out a handgun and said, "Opportunity knocking."

Hope you got some laughs from these!  I did!

Welcome Distractions...

So, in the real world, I'm a third grade teacher and this week it's back to school for me!  Ironically, this is not only a good thing because I get to go back to the classroom and a job that I love, but also it's keeping my mind off of this last fertility cycle and all of the other things that are happening.  Why is it that "life events" tend to happen like water rushing out of a collapsed dam? 

I got the okay to start my injections tomorrow night and we've tried our best to line up my ultrasound visits to fall in line with the weekend and with the morning I have off next week on Open House day.  We're even hoping to push off the trigger day until the next weekend in case we do decide to go with IUI. 

Then, I got a call from Harris letting me know that he has a potential job offer...in another state...that would cause us to have to move.  Our house has been on the market for almost 3 months now, but since India came into the picture we've been debating on whether or not to sell.  If we kept the house, we could refinance and pull a good amount of the money we'd need from the equity.  That would keep us from having to totally drain our savings and we'd be able to keep payments and interest low as we pay back what we've borrowed.  We've already been to the bank and have multiple ways to pay for everything associated with surrogacy - it's just that we're trying to figure out the best way to handle the debt.  Nothing's settled with money - is it ever, really?

Oh, and I found out that the lab messed up my bloodwork again.  They were supposed to do my bloodtype for the infectious disease screening.  Apparently, they got the AB part but not the + or - part.  According to my doctor, that's important to know.  LOL!  Seriously,  I may as well laugh as cry because needles and I seem to have a date with destiny.  No matter how much I try, I can't get away from them easily - one draw turns into two, and anyway I cut it I must do both injections and possibly egg retrieval to have kids.  With my crummy luck, I'll have 1 egg and have to do the process like 20 times! 

In summary, thank the Lord it's time for school!  I'm ready for 22 kids and all the excitement and energy they bring with them.  Bring on the lesson plans, homework, tests, and grading!  Whoo hoo!

Secrecy and Infertility...

First, congrats to Kerri and Mark who are in India right now waiting for baby Alan to be born!  I'm so excited I feel like it's my own family that's getting a new member!  I guess maybe because this is the first baby that I have "watched" come into the world this way, it makes me hopeful and mushy all at the same time.  You guys are going to be great parents!!!  Thanks for letting me tag along on your journey!

Tonight I had a great chance to catch up with a friend who has been just as busy as I have this summer.  She is one of the few people that knows about my infertility struggle, and about both of the miscarriages.  After doing dinner and hitting the theatre to see a chick-flick, we sat in the driveway and talked for about an hour.  We've both been so busy that she and I haven't had time to connect in months. 

It got me thinking about all of the secrecy involved in this process of infertility and surrogacy.  I realize that it's a choice we each make, who to tell and when.  But, even then, isn't it for reasons of sheer emotional survival that we make the choice to keep some in the dark while letting others in on the details?  For Harris and I, we've always felt like we wanted to keep as much private as possible because we never wanted to grieve with others or give them comfort when our own hearts were breaking.  When we lost the first baby, we knew that we'd made the right decision.  Everything that's happened since then has reinforced that choice and we only question it in times that we know it's about to become difficult. 

That leads us to Christmas.  I am remembering to breathe, taking one thing at a time, and preparing to do my last round of injectible meds here this month.  But, if it doesn't work and we do go to India for treatment in December, how are we going to explain missing Christmas with our family?  That's tricky.  I can only hope that one day there's a baby they can hold as we are telling them all of this.  Isn't it amazing that the beginning of life (a baby) and the end of life (death) are able to change circumstances just by happening?  Seemingly, people at funerals develop a type of amnesia for anything negative related to that person.  Same thing happens when someone has a baby - suddenly, the good-for-nothing husband grows a few inches in stature and respect.  How does that happen? 

So, I'm thinking now of things that I can say which will be the least deceptive because it's not our intention to lie to anyone - especially our families, because we love them deeply.  It's a matter of self-preservation and trying to find the path of least resistance to get to where Kerri and Mark are right now.  Fingers crossed that our family and friends understand one day why we did what we did.  I figure there's still time to figure out Christmas. 

Breathing - in and out.

A Fast Getaway!

Yes, two posts in one day.  I actually just found this on another blog (http://www.jonngem.blogspot.com/ thanks!) and it's info they found from The Christmas Eve Boys about how to make your exit process faster and smoother if you're a US citizen.  I LOVE that there are specifics here and felt like I wanted to repost it even if it was only for my own selfish resons - I don't want to have to search for it later when there's more on my mind!  Hopefully, others can use the information too!

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[W]e did not used a lawyer to process the passport and exit visa.  If you're up for the challenge and want to save money, you can do it yourself.  I'm not going to lie, the Exit visa was pretty stressful but if you follow our tips, it should make it less stressful.

New Delhi Passport and Exit Visa processing:

Following tips are from Christmas Eve Boys, we followed every tips they provided and it was very helpful.  It helped the process go quicker.  Per Christmas Eve Boys posting:

• Email Nancy Hamilton at the US Embassy in advance and introduce yourself ndacs@state.gov.  She told us that so few people do this, she is learning about the process herself, and it really helps if she connects with you in advance.  She is super nice.  She is the Consular officer who approved our file yesterday and I had been in touch with her in advance so this was great.  You can also call her direct line 11 2419 8000 ext 4306.  We called her after the birth and she arranged for our DNA testing to happen at the same time as our appointment for obtaining the CRBA's and the Passports.  This means only one trip to the embassy with the baby(ies).  The DNA collection is a simple mouth swab - 2 samples taken from each individual.  The babies didn't even cry.  This happened in a room right next door to ACS. We also ordered the DNA kits from the US shipped to the Consulate  in advance so when we arrived at our appointment, the kits were there waiting.
• Forms to take for Consular interview - only take originals - no need to take a bunch of copies.  If using an egg donor, the birth certificate should say 'surrogate' under 'mother' - nothing more.  (Gemma's comment:  With my doctor, we had an option to put my name on the birth certificate or just put "Surrogate". Our birth certificate states my name. we had no issues with that.  )
• Original birth certificates.  (Gemma's comment:  ask your doctor to provide more than 1 copy.  We got 3 sets.  It does not cost that much.)
• When using an egg donor, the US citizen father has to prove 5 years of US residency.  Instead of taking all my tax returns, I took my previous passport and 5 years of social security earnings statements. (Gemma's comment:  Make sure to have 5 years of US residency)
• Get all your medical reports, ultrasounds, etc. from your doctor and bring it with you - take that as it is.  (Gemma's comment:  Dr. B provided all the medical records and we brought it to us.  Also ask from your doctor a document stating the release of the babies and that surrogate stating that it is not her baby (ies).  Make sure it is signed by both parties.  FRRO asked for this letter.)
• Two passport photos of each child.  (Gemma's comment:  you will need a total of 6 - 2 x 2 photos.  2 - passport, 2 DNA, 2 FRRO)
• Original copies of surrogacy contracts.
• Print your confirmation of your appointment at the embassy - you will need to show this outside the embassy to get in.
• If you take your cell phone, they will ask you to walk down the way to a different entrance and 'check it' - they will give you a number to claim it at exit. You cannot take any type of electronics into the embassy.
•  
• Forms to take for DNA collection.
• 2 passport photos of the US citizen parent(s).  
• 2 passport photos of each child.
• Copy of US citizen parent passport photo page and copy of Indian visa page.
• 1 copy of each birth certificate.
• A bank draft (cashier's check) for Rs 1600 for each test kit ( 1 bank draft for each babies and parent).  Also, we couldn't find a bank that would issue these because we didn't have an account.  Fortunately our landlord arranged them for us. For Rs 300 (about $7 USD) someone came to the house and returned with them in about 2 hours.  Someone will call you, in advance of your appointment, to confirm the date and time of your DNA collection and will give you the details for the payee on these bank drafts. (Gemma's comment:  we stayed at the same place, and they also helped us with the bank draft. We stayed with Vy Lodging at their Bed and Breakfast rather than the apartment.  I didn't want to deal with cooking and Laundry)
• A thermos with hot water for making up bottles.
• Two bottles for each baby (we were there until 1pm). (Gemma's comment:  we fed the babies before we left.  We had appt. at 9 am, the appt. wasn't packed at all.  Bring the Playtex drop ins)
• Change of clothes - there is a changing table in the restrooms outside of ACS. 

Abed tips for a smoother faster process: 

DNA Processing:

Order the DNA kits from the US in advance so the DNA kits arrive at the Consulate so when you arrive for your appointment, the kits are ready.  If you contact Nancy from the US Embassy ahead of time, she will tell the DNA labs they work with. Arrange in advance with the DNA lab for expediting the DNA results. There is a fee for this.

Once the swabbing for DNA is done and been sent to lab, call lab to let them know it is in transit and then follow up in the next 2 days to inquire on the result.  Also have them email the results to US consular.

Ministry of Home Affairs Office (MHA):

Once you receive your emergency passport, go directly to the MHA office. You do not need to bring the babies with you when you pick up the passport or go to the MHA office.  

When you  fill out the application for the exit visa, DO NOT PUT a date of when you want the exit visa.  But, if you are asked to put a date, enter a few weeks out and give yourself plenty of time as this is the date when the exit visa expired, not the date it begins i.e. you must exit before or on this date.  Once the application has been process, MHA office will give you a sealed envelope that only the FRO office can open.  DO NOT OPEN THE ENVELOPE.

If your Surrogate clinic is outside Mumbai or New Delhi location for exit Visa processing, we recommend that you get a hotel from either location when you start your processing.  Because if you decide to just make a day trip, and you enter your India address outside of Mumbai or New Delhi, they will make you use a the local FRO (Foreigner Registration office) where you are residing in India.    Otherwise you will end up traveling back and forth. Our recommendation is to go to New Delhi for processing.   We were ask to provide this at FRO and another IP you just recently went through the process that I know, the MHA asked for this letter.  The contract is not what they are looking for.

Lastly, it important that you have a letter of release from the surrogate stating that the babies are not her children.  See example below:

The MHA office or FRO might ask for it.  If you don't have it, the process will be delayed.  The Surrogacy contract will not be suitable for the MHA or the FRO, they will need the separate document.  Make sure you get this from the doctors office.  (one of the IP's I meet in India, was sent back to Ahmadabad to get the letter. Her process was delayed 2 weeks).


Foreign Registry Office:

Go there as early as possible.  Pick up the paperwork and fill out.   It gets crazy busy there.  The people that works there seem to have little patience, so be as nice as possible when talking with them.  I hate to say this but I think they have more patient with women. (Just saying)  We saw a man that got kicked out of the office, because he didn't understand the process.  The man that worked there lost his patience and kick him out.  My husband got yelled at and was sent away.  I was waiting in the car with the kids, then finally when I went inside with the babies, and I started to have a friendly conversation with one of the top guys.  After having this 20 minute conversation, we were immediately called for our turn.  He told me that he loved new babies, and specially twins babies.  He actually called his daughter and told her about us.  Anyway, whatever works...right?

They will ask to see the baby or babies before they issue the exit visa and also they will ask for the letter of release from the surrogate, so make sure to have this with you.


Hope this helps for those who is up for the challenge of getting your Exit Visa without a Lawyer.

Living vicariously...

Finished reading the updates and am so encouraged by the positive results from Jill and Alex(http://hopefromtheashes.wordpress.com/) and Bernadette and Duane (http://rastalesstraveled.blogspot.com/)!  I am so happy that you both have such wonderful results to write about from your time in Delhi at SCI. 

I can't help but appreciate the community of support that we are able to find online during this process.  It has been such a blessing for me to find support in real life for the infertility process and, now, online for the surrogacy and infertility process.  It's human nature to fear the unknown but, thanks to some gracious and open people willing to share the intimate parts of their journey to have children, it's less scary somehow.  One of the best and most comforting things I've read lately has been from Jill and Alex as they've been in Delhi.  I love that Alex gave Jill her injections just like Harris does for me.  Somehow, reading what everyone is going thru in order to reach the ultimate goal helps me to feel a lot less alone in this process.  It lets me live vicariously thru others and I am now emotionally invested in their lives, success, bumps, and questions.  THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING WILLING TO SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES!!!

In that spirit, I do have a question for those of you who have travelled to India already.  What did you do to combat the mosquitoes and malaria?  The foreign travel nurse said there were 3 options but one was an antibiotic (that's probably out, right?).  How did you handle this?

Off to do my infectious diseases panel in the morning.  This will be my third day of needles this week.  Urrr!

How do you spell ha-le-lu-ya???

I knew there was a "j" in there somewhere!  Seriously, that has been one of those words that makes no phonetic or phonemic sense - and in my "real" life, I'm a trained diagnostic and prescriptive reading teacher. 

A miracle, of sorts, happened to Harris and I today.  After some difficulty finding someone who was willing to write orders for the infectious disease screenings that SCI requires, my primary care physician agreed.  Now, that may not seem like much when you first read it, but let me enlighten you to his other full-time job as a Free Will Baptist minister.  We have been to his church a time or two and Harris plays in the golf tournament that they put on each year as a fundraiser for the church.  He's a great pastor and I've always liked him as a doctor.  But after today, I LOVE him as a doctor.

As you can imagine, I was nervous about having to say anything about surrogacy to a Baptist preacher (God forbid that I say "fetal embryo transfer") because of the moral arguments that immediately begin when you mention anything related to infertility to those who have had no difficulty bearing children.  You know who I'm talking about.  It's those people that start their arguments with the phrase, "Well, why don't you just ..." and end it with some reference to praying harder, taking your temperature (regardless of the fact that I don't ovulate), or just relaxing (my personal favorite).  But, I digress.  When I went in today, there was much discussion amongst the nurses about whether or not they could order the bloodwork...apparently they didn't know the codes for the order or something?  At any rate, my doctor came out and asked what the problem was.  He declared that he was in the business of solving problems and helping people and wanted to know what he could do for me.  I thought that was a good sign and I was right!

Not only did he listen to the 2-minute synopsis of the situation with respect and compassion, but he also asked intelligent questions to make sure that I had checked up on certain parts of the process.  Then, he wrote everything possible to justify the tests.  Before he left the room, he actually asked me if it was okay for him to pray with me.  He wanted to pray with me - about surrogacy - about safely completing this journey - about having peace with the process - and about our future child.  He also said that he would continue to pray for me and hoped that I would keep him informed about what was happening because he'd never had a patient to do this before so he was curious.  It was such a surreal experience compared to the normal poking, prodding, and intrusive questioning/grilling that I normally get in medical settings.  I left there feeling so much better.  How much less stressed, happy, and hopeful would we be if all doctors were like that???

Can I get an "amen"?

Climbing Mt. Everest

This week, I watched a special about people climbing Mt. Everest.  They train for years sometimes, pick guides that are experienced and trustworthy, immerse themselves in the climbing community, and take time to regroup and breathe on their way up the mountain.  That special was like a huge, glaring, blatant metaphor for this journey and has been particularly applicable this week.  Maybe it was a sign, or an omen, of things to come.

Celebration!

I was absolutely elated to find out that Rasta Less Traveled had arrived in India!  Congrats guys and thanks for the pictures, details, and information you've been posting!  I'm sending prayers your way for excellent retrieval, sample collections, and transfer with your SM!

When it rains, it pours!

On our end, it's been a "walking uphill" kind of week.  I thought of Lucylu today as the water poured into our office during a heavy rainstorm.  We had the beginnings of a tropical depression heading our way and the rain today left us with bowls all over the floor catching the drips.  Ironically, the storm is named for my sister, Emily.  Harris got a call from his hysterical wife saying that he needed to come home immediately because I was afraid the ceiling was going to cave in from the weight of the water.  I moved all the furniture out of the leaking area and cleaned up as best I could.  A good recovery, I feel, and I have already scheduled a contractor to come thru on Monday and do the necessary repair work. 

Pharmacy mix-up...

On Friday, I still had not started my cycle and decided to call my reproductive endocrinologist's office to check in since 8 days had passed.  I have had problems with an infected uterus, a polyp, and needed a D&C to clear this situation up before - so I'm cautious now.  Imagine my surprise when the nurse asked if I'd taken all 10 progesterone pills.  10?  I only got 3.  With further investigation I found that the pharmacy tech had incorrectly filled the script and not given me credit for my refills.  When I spoke with the pharmacist, his response was that he was sorry but we're all human.  Nice.  That didn't sit well and I made a phone call to corporate to make sure this doesn't happen again.  He's ultimately responsible for making sure things are done correctly and this mistake would never have been caught without my finding it. 

Timing is everything...

With the pharmacy mistake, we are now at least 10 days behind on our fertility cycle now.  I start back to school on the 15th with the kids arriving on the 25th.  It's going to be tight to get in the meds, the ultrasounds, the shots, and ovulation before the 25th...if it can be done.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't have to take any medical leave days because I will certainly need them to go to India. 

Infectious diseases...

I am also having a hard time finding someone to do the screenings I need for this infectious disease process.  Harris has taken off the day from work on Monday and we have appointments to see a foreign travel clinic nurse to discuss shots.  We are also planning to do a walk-in visit to my general practitioner to see if they are willing to help us on this.  My endocrinologist said no already.  I do have one other option that's a long shot.  It's my former OBGYN who originally made the PCOS diagnosis.  She was not born here and always seemed to be more open minded about things than my other doctors.  I'm keeping that in the back of my mind for now.

Breathing...

I got an encouraging email from Margarida yesterday reminding me that we all have bumps in the road and that I have to keep breathing because it will all work out.  They have done this before at SCI.  They know the challenges for IPs.  They will hold my hand thru the entire process.  Boy, that means a lot.  Whew.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

Huh?

On Friday, Harris went in for his semen analysis at my doctor's office.  There is a urologist in practice there as well who has done his work in the past and we felt good using the same scenario again.  Things have changed in the last five years though and Harris was relieved to find that he no longer had to go into a cold bathroom to "get" his sample this time.  LOL!  There was more privacy and compassion given to the male patients than before and the women working there were very generic and complacent about what was getting  ready to happen.  All in all, it put him at ease...or, well, as at ease as he could be in that situation.

So, we spent the weekend checking email to see if the results had come thru since the techs work on the weekend by nature of the business.  But, alas, no email until today.  I have been out of town for the last day and only saw the results tonight.  They have really confused me a great deal.  So, of course, I have now spent time on the Internet trying to google stuff like, "What does my Kruger morphology report mean?"  and "How do I understand my semen analysis?"  (I swear, if somebody stole my computer and checked the search history, they'd probably think I was off my rocker!)

I have found some results and looked at the report in comparison with those.  But, I can't find one that has everything I'm looking for.  It's like reading a foreign language and the numbers on the page are confusing at times.  Of course, the alternative to googling like a mad-woman is to wait and ask my doctor when I go in later this week, but who waits?  I want to know now!  Waiting is such a constant in this process and I'm ready to move, not wait more.  

Off, Off, and Away!

Thrilled to say that my medical records have now been emailed to SCI for Dr. Shivani to look over!  I am so excited to get this process underway!!!  Harris' results from his semen analysis should be in on Monday and I will send those as well.  Yay!

Tonight, I had dinner with part of my infertility support group.  We are a group of 11 women who went thru a 4 week therapy session last summer because we all had common ground.  Since then, we have stayed close and grown to feel more like family than friends.  We celebrate each other's pregnancies, cry for each negative test result, help mourn the loss of a pregnancy, and recently have started to bring flowers to the hospital as babies are being born from within the group!  It's awesome to watch these fierce, passionate, loyal women become mothers.  I am so blessed to have them in my corner. 

At the restaurant, over shared cheesecake, one of the girls was listening to me talk about India and she said with complete acceptance and support, "You need to do what is right for you.  Forget about everyone and everything else and do what's best for you and Harris."  That meant so much to me and the amazing thing is that they all feel that way.  Nobody looks at me cross-eyed like I've grown a horn in my forehead or spoken some tribal language when I talk about this with them.  I will never be able to show just how much they mean to me.